Your Honour, allow me to present the facts of this case. The defendant, Capcom, has recently announced the impending Western release of Ace Attorney 6. Phoenix Wright fans everywhere are flexing their favoured pointing fingers in anticipation.

This time, Phoenix and his eager legal eagles will head to an as-yet-unnamed Eastern country, to “a land where there are no defense attorneys and the courtrooms have magic mirrors”

objection1

 

Tsk, tsk. Capcom and its cronies are really scraping the bottom of the quirky barrel now, aren’t they? I honestly believed they’d had enough of trotting out these arbitrary AA gimmicks.

Your Honour, please take a look at the track record of the Ace Attorney series. Exhibit A: a Mood Matrix accessed by a talking robot necklace? Exhibit B: multiple witnesses taking the stand simultaneously, weakening testimonial evidence and perverting the cause of justice?! Exhibit C: a prosecutor wielding a sword in our hallowed courtroom??! And now, we’re expected to argue our cases in a LAND where there are NO DEFENSE ATTORNEYS and THE COURTROOMS HAVE MAGIC MIRRORS??!!!

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Mirror, mirror, on the…floor?! I can’t take this shit any more! (SOURCE: kotaku.com)

Ahem. Forgive me, your Honour, but I find this contempt of our legal system utterly distasteful. Magic mirrors?! A cuddly Kirby caper this franchise is not – someone has to step in.

AA5_Holdit (1)

 

 

Do you mean to say that you’d rather the Ace Attorney series had zero gameplay development? We’ve played through nine previous titles, each with their own unique and arresting cases – and yes, each commanding a variety of successful new mechanics!

 

NotSoFast! (1)

 

Surely you’re not implying that Ace Attorney Investigations: Miles Edgeworth’s abysmal Logic system made any kind of (ironically) logical sense?! That kind of lock-and-key, two-and-two child’s play remains a belligerent stain on the venerable Ace Attorney pennon!

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“UHHHHHH, WHAT ARE THESE GLASS SHARDS FROM?” (SOURCE: strategywiki.org)

Ah, I remember the days of the inaugural Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney trilogy… A time predating the trifles of dusting for prints and ridiculous PIN pads that recreate crime scenes… A better time, a happier time – now crushed into insignificance by wilful neglect.

Your Honour, I move for an immediate sentencing. Capcom’s goons continue to push beyond the realms of sensible, enjoyable law simulation games, and they deserve to be pronounced guilty!

Phoenix_Wright_hang_on (1)

 

Heh, yes… well, um, Miles Edgeworth was, undoubtedly, an error – but an earnest one, at least! Let’s not forget some of the Turnabout Mechanics that sprang from some much-needed experimentation along the way.

The Psyche-Locks unpicked by using concrete evidence; Apollo’s bracelet that triggered his ability to “perceive” witnesses’ ticks and tells; video footage of crime scenes that can be cross-checked with statements to highlight contradictions – all these have added intrigue to the series, without feeling like mere filler!

Silence_Official

 

 

 

Pah! Admittedly progressive as some content has been, the fact remains that the ever-increasing absurdity of the Ace Attorney series is to its own detriment. Eccentric yet pertinent themes, such as the Fey clan, and mechanics have occasionally led to some jaw-dropping legal battles. However, the series’ stray into the zany, irrelevant worlds of witches and widgets is continually undermining what could be spectacular cases! 

Somebody blew up the courtroom? Better ask my computer-jewellery whether this witness feels a bit gloomy or surprised. Heinous bloody murder in the village? Probably witches – oh no, wait, everyone’s out of their minds on drugs! Ace Attorney 6 likely to be based around plain lazy hocus-pocus? Give me a moment to consult my magic mirror!

Don’t make me laugh, Wright. “Unusual”? More like unutterable. I rest my case.

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